liansoon

when i thot of this title...i meant change from student to a worker...but at the same time... i also wonder if this change will really happen...meaning....who knows...i may not be able to graduate... frankly if i am not...its going to be very hard for me to come to terms with it...bloody scary....

i can feel the expectations from my parents n bro...they r like allowing me to enjoy myself as much as possible then find a job n lighten their burden....if i really cannot graduate i dunno what i am going to face lor...sarcasm...despise...stress is building up....

had a swollen foot a few days ago....i wonder was it anything i ate or did i over exercise...hai... made me concerned over 2 things...the more immediate one is can i make it to hk n enjoy myself?...the next one is...how am i going to work with my condition....leather shoes r so much more uncomfy...n how can i afford to take so many mcs...i wonder if its time for me to start on medication...put if off for 8 yrs liao....cos was still young then...n medication can bring side effects...i wonder if its time to start now....hai...big decision...

i remember 2 yrs ago....i discussed an issue with a friend...as in pple who blame themselves n pple who blame others...i think i am a self-blamer more than a pple-blamer...ha...when something happen...usually i will blame myself for incompetence for not keeping things in control...probably will be a lil offensive or not nice to say here...but heck la...anyway like i say i am not blaming my friend la...but does hope that my friend can change...n of cos...there may be other reasons which i am not aware of...

what happened was....supposedly arranged to meet up with friends for a discussion...n thinking that everyone will be on time or at most slightly late...i could bring my parents to the place i am going...i can leave them there to walk ard on their own...then meet friends for discussion...but end up...one friend was very late...to be frank...i felt it was quite unfair to all who made an effort to be on time...so end up i had to leave halfway during the discussion...i did thot of giving the friend a morning call...given that the friend has a superb record for being late...hahaha...but i thot i shld give her a chance....i did thot of changing my mind n tell my parents to stay home in case i had to overshoot the timing...but they were so enthu the moment i told them i was going to take them out n jalan...just to reemphasize...no hard feelings ok(wouldnt it be nice if u dun read this, tsk tsk)...just hope that u will change...punctuality is a lil bit like responsibility...but u may have ur reasons...if i wronged u...tell me k...but if u dun think need to explain its okay also...
anyway...the moral is "da shi teng, ma shi ai"

anyway i am so so looking forward to the hk trip now...the most worrying thing is the leg...although track records has shown that after i see doc ...it gets well n wont have a prob...shall rest more at home these few days...

alright...good nite world....